I’ll Never Stop Loving You…

What can I tell my mother when she’s gone? That I love her.

This morning I almost called my Mom. She’s been gone since July 7, 2016, but I nearly picked up my phone to dial her number. I just wanted to share how alike we are – how like her I’ve become. Even down to the way I take my coffee. Well, I use honey instead of Sweet and Low, but we both prefer half & half.

I stopped myself before I picked up the phone. But this is what I would have said if she had answered:

I’ve wanted to call you so many times, Mom. Wanted to pick up the phone and talk to you about… anything. I miss you. I’m so sorry you were right – you didn’t ever see me again. I couldn’t bear the thought of you not knowing me. I’m a coward, I know. I didn’t come. But I thought about you constantly.

And I do love you. I still think about you often – daily. I see the things I do that you taught me. Like folding a Kleenex down on one corner and using the doubled portion. Like licking all the way around an ice cream cone to catch the melting bits before they drip. Like shaving under my arms before shaving my legs so the razor doesn’t hurt.

You were an excellent Mother to me. I remember you being the room mother for my first-grade class. And baking cakes for the school cake walk. I remember you curling my hair to make it curly. How frustrated you would be when the curl fell right out. But you kept on curling it, night after night. Only rag curls held their shape as ringlets.

I remember you rocking me when I hurt myself. And spanking me for taking off my clothes during nap time. And teaching me my prayers. And reading aloud to me every day of my childhood. I remember you for cutting out paper dolls. For coloring with me when you had chores waiting.

I remember you sitting patiently in the emergency room while I received stitches yet again. I remember you washing the piano teacher’s bathroom to pay for my piano lessons. And I appreciate you for it. Thank you for loving me. For teaching me. For raising me to be a good citizen.

You always did the best you knew how to do. You worked hard at being a good wife and mother. I remember you kept a clean house, cooked nutritious meals, and washed all of our clothes and linens. You never complained about doing it, it just got done. Thank you for teaching me to do those things, as well. You modeled good mothering to me. You never failed me, Mom. And I’ll love you forever!

One thought on “I’ll Never Stop Loving You…

  1. That was really beautiful Mary I enjoyed The honesty,I feel the sorrow behind you losing your mom , in the grief and her not being in your life anymore, I think that it was truly Jen feel that loss, I miss my mom too

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s